Fear of Natural Labour

If you have read my GBS story you will understand my situation. Natural labour is a beautiful experience-a burning ring of fire for some- that women may experience if their situation is less complicated as some women experience.

But the second time round I fear the NATURAL part!!! I want to be induced (like last time) or have an Elect C-Section ( I understand the risks). I don’t have a problem with pushing out a 9lbs 8Oz baby again, it’s the traumatic experience that followed. Thinking every hour on the hour I was going to lose my baby because of this FECKING GBS, a whole week of emotional lows. I know what your thinking “a week isn’t that bad” or “some other mothers have to wait months” OH! I understand that!

But for the mothers that cannot take their beautiful newborn baby home that same day, a week turns into 168 HOURS or 10,080 minutes or even 604,800 seconds (the math might be a little out).

It stops feeling like days when your moments of happiness gets snatched away so quickly before you even get to tell your tiny little baby what the world is like -maybe excluding any information about Donald Trump – or guessing whom your baby looks like.

For a year of Sidney’s life my ongoing PTSD became worse, it controlled me consumed everything I was. It was a dark time in my life. And I don’t not plan to go back there AGAIN !!!
But… my plans of a controlled environment for this next bundle of baby, is now being decided for me! My midwife said “things have changed ” practically the discussion went “winging it” oh hell no !! I will not chance this I cannot, I will not. But here I am at 1:23 am on a Sunday morning still thinking about this and how I’m going to labour my way! How am I going to get this midwife to see it through my eyes ? I love this midwife as I had her with Sidney and don’t want to come off rude.
As anyone experienced wanting an elect C section but your midwife or consultant saying no? NHS Website 

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