When your heart hurts

I didn’t have much of a childhood, growing up in a household where daily abuse gets fired from all directions is hard. I’m not going to bore you with details just yet….

But when i was younger I didn’t get the luxury of a stable home, I didn’t get to have my dad properly -not through his fault, but through my biological mothers fault-I saw him once in a while. If he was allowed. I remember when he was in the navy, sending little blue letters and getting letters back. That was the highlight of my life. But now they are burnt every precious letter that I held dear is gone. My biological mother burnt them all to my knowledge.

I swore I would never have kids, I swore I wouldn’t get married. I accepted I would be alone for the rest of my life. So I sit here next to my husband and my second son, and feeling complete sorrow.

These last few weeks have been hard, so much has changed in my life. A person that I held most dear is becoming distant. I have always felt like he was taken away from me. But now it’s becoming a reality, and I’m saddened of that thought.

All I want for my children is to have the right people in his life. For them to grow up with people whom really want to participate in their life and gives 100%.

I’ve always lived by “you can’t dip in and out when you please, so it’s all or nothing”.

I want the best for my kids, because I never have experienced that.

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